“How do you like Poland?”
I was asked this question within the first few hours of
arriving into the beautiful country. Of course, at the beginning, what do you
say? The land is beautiful and very similar to home, but the language barrier
was very overwhelming. Of course, answering the question became easier as the
days passed. The more I learned and experienced in Poland the more I liked it.
It didn’t take any longer than a week, before I was getting
comments about the return visits I must make. By that point, I was open to the
idea, though I wasn’t utterly in love Poland. I was enjoying my time, but at
one point I remember thinking that if I had to go back home, I could do so
fulfilled and ready to move on to the next season of life without too many
qualms about leaving early.
I went to Poland expecting my time there to be more of a
bridge leading to the next thing, instead of actually being the next
destination. I don’t remember the exact day, but I remember the feeling of
realizing that I had been wrong. I
remember looking at everyone and thinking I could just stay. My first
suggestion to do just that followed shortly after.
Sitting with
others in the Białecki’s kitchen in Janikowo,
Monika started talking about the Christian theatre school she and Jarek had
attended and how it would be possible for me to go there. She said I could go
to school, help with the Dar ministry,
live with the Siech family, and learn Polish. The idea didn’t sound too bad to
me.
That same weekend in Janikowo two different people, two
different times made reference to me staying and getting a paid job to teach
conversational English in Janikowo or pretty much anywhere in Poland if I
wanted. With each passing suggestion and day, I not only delighted in the
realization that these friends wanted me to stay in Poland, but I began to
realize that I wanted to stay more and more.
As much as I wanted to stay, though, I more so wanted to do
God’s will. If He wanted me to return to the States, then I would, and if He
wanted me to stay in Poland I would be perfectly content to do so. I began to
pray about staying and because this would be such a big move, I asked for a
couple specific signs or fleeces (a concept found in Judges 6:36-40). I asked
God to allow one of four things to happen and then I would know that I was
suppose to stay in Poland. If they did not happen I would return to the U.S.
knowing that it was the will of God.
After requesting this, it seemed to me that God’s sense of
humor came out a little more. Everything I asked for would happen in part, but
before each scenario could reach the fullness of what I asked it seemed as
though God said, “No.”
The first of these requests was that I would have enough
money in my bank account to be able to pay for at least one more month of
living in Poland. That would roughly be $600. After praying the four things, I
went to check my account to see what I had to work with. I knew from previous
balancing of the finances that I shouldn’t have any more than $50 left, but
when I checked I was surprised to see a couple hundred dollars. Through some
giving of others God had increased and blessed me financially, though not with
enough to pay for staying in Poland. Every time I would check to see if
something changed or increased, I was slightly disappointed, though blessed by
what I had.
If God didn’t want to give me money for the next month I had
suggested that He find me a place to stay with room and board free for the next
month. This was the second “sign” I asked for. The night before I was to fly
back home, Jarek, who had been the only one up to that point not suggest I
stay, sat me down with Google translate to have a conversation. In this
conversation he told me of what I could do in Poland, how I could help, how I
was wanted, and at the end even said that their family would be able to
continue feeding me for free while I was living in there building. Realizing
the financial capabilities of the family I realized how sincere and loving this
offer was, but I also realized that it wasn’t the fullness of what I asked God
for. I needed to be able to stay someplace without having to pay for at least
the first month, but that wasn’t part of the offer, or even really possible. I
was 0 for 2.
The third sign was that something would happen in the
beginnings of travel and for some reason I would not be able to board the plane
or the flight would be canceled. While we were being driven to the airport we
listened to the radio as our friend/translator/driver told us of the big topic
of the morning: airline protesting. It was said that many of the flights going
into Frankfurt would be canceled or delayed. Only one of four flights was
actually able to set out. My heart raced while I heard the reports. We arrived
in Poland through the Frankfurt airport; it wasn’t hard to believe that our
flight may be canceled. Even our driver said that we might be able to be stuck
with them a little while longer. Once we arrived at the airport though I found
that our flight was going into Munich and would be right on time. Like I said
before, it seemed like God was teasing me.
The final request I had made was a side thought, random, and
now when I think of it, I am embarrassed. I told God, that if someone proposed
to me, I would stay. Mind you, this was a couple weeks into Poland that I said
this, there was still possibility to meet some crazy person and have one of
those overtly romantic stories you get from the movies. Also, mind you, that
when I said this and even up to the point of me leaving there was no one in
particular I had in mind. I met some awesome men of God, but marriage was truly
not on my mind besides that quick moment of my flippant request. It was more of
a joke because of everyone teasing me before I left for Poland about finding a
husband, than it was a serious cincher for me staying. Knowing all this, God
decided to continue teasing my stupidity.
There was one young man who had not initially planned to be
spending much time with us, but ended up staying with us, traveling with us,
and translating for us for about a week. After our last night of the tour we
dropped him off at his home in Poznan. A couple days later was the Friday that
Russ, Doris, and I were flying back home. That morning as we gathered for one
last breakfast, Russ mentioned that our friend had emailed him about a
conference that he was attending for the last few days of his holiday. He also
mentioned, while looking directly at me, that our friend said, “I think I have
met my future wife. I must pray about this.”
My first response was, “Wow, that was quick. We only dropped
him off a couple days ago.” Russ looked at me strange and I just ignored.
About a half an hour later he was mentioning it to someone
else, though he continued looking at me. I was confused a bit, but because of
the emotional times of saying goodbye I just continued to ignore him. Finally,
right before we were about to leave he said it again. It was then I realized
that Russ thought our friend was talking of me. Slightly surprised and taken
aback I remembered the last “sign” I had asked God for. I began to mentally freak
out a bit. As much as I was friends with this guy, the idea of getting proposed
to (while obviously a far-fetched thought) all of the sudden seemed like it
could be a possibility and I was not at all enjoying that thought. What if Russ
was right? What if the guy came to the airport? What would I do? I know I would
have to stay in Poland, but would I have to say, “Yes?” Between the
possibilities of flight cancelations and proposals my heart felt like it was
running a marathon. At one point, our driver received a call from someone with
the same name as the friend. This did nothing to calm me, even after I found
out it was a different person. I honestly did not relax much until our plane
took off.
Obviously, as I am back in the U.S. none of these things
happened, but while I was on the plane flying back home, I asked God why? Why
only partially fulfill the requests? Why tease me? I was slightly frustrated
and mad at first, but then I realized something. If God wanted me stay in
Poland, He showed me that He could make any of my requests happen… even a
proposal. I did not doubt His ability to do any of it. The fact that He could,
but didn’t, was all the more a confirmation that returning home was indeed the
next step in this journey with Him. In my asking about confirmations to stay
God went over and above and showed His will to me in a way that ceased all
questions. I have not asked “what if…” once. I know my God’s got me, and I’m
glad to be in His good and perfect will.
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