Returning: Article 10

Returning. It’s a bittersweet word, holding connotations of leaving and arriving.

In my last article, I spoke of my desire to stay in Poland, so the bitter portion of my returning home was not surprisingly a dead weight in the pit of my stomach. The mix of hopefulness, sorrow, stress, and impatience that caused a stir in my chest, kept me on edge while heading to the Poznan airport. I didn’t begin to relax until after I boarded the plane. At that moment I realized I was returning home, and, unless God performed some divine act, nothing was going to change that.

Returning. I’m not always so good with dealing with this part of travel. I joked around a bit and tried engaging in conversation with whomever was next to me. You know, I was allowing myself to be distractible. I don’t remember much about that flight except that a lot of thinking happened. I also had the opportunity to strengthen my self-discipline by exercising restraint on my tear ducts. That was a very hard work out, but I did not want to bawl on a plane full of Polski people.

Returning. At that point in time, the leaving was more bitter than sweet. I was stuck in a seat on an airplane that was zooming me away from my new found loves. I was leaving Poland. I was leaving a people that I dearly wanted to give joy and freedom in Christ. I was leaving friends and people with whom I so easily became fond of, and they fond of me. I was leaving a place where I felt I was home, despite the language barrier. And I was leaving a family that in so many ways made me their family, as well. I was leaving without knowing if and when I would ever see any of it again.

Returning. The thought of arrival wasn’t exactly pleasant at first either. Though I was coming home, I was to arrive at place of unknown. Arriving with little money. Arriving to the things I left behind, but that of course would have changed with the time I was gone. Arriving to life unscheduled, yet back to normal. Arriving without the slightest clue as to what God wanted for me next, which is annoying, since I felt I knew exactly what I wanted.

Returning. It wasn’t all bitter. I found sweetness in leaving Polish bathrooms, constant sneezing, and the language barrier. Sweetness also awaited my arrival. Family, friends, and peanut butter chai’s were ready to welcome me.

Returning. You never really know what to expect. Life can be just the same as you left it, as though everything was on pause for months at a time. On the other hand, you can close your eyes for a moment and everything changes. In this realization I put my expectations on the unexpected. Which was a good idea. Though much was the same, I was surprised by how much had changed in the month I was gone. Looking back now, I’m amazed at how much has changed since returning.

Returning. I’ve traveled a decent amount in my life, and I’ve come expect the emotional low that accompanies returning. For a month I was busy, constantly surrounded by people, and doing something that made life feel productive. I was learning and growing and developing friendships that I hope never to forget. In less than 36 hours goodbyes and see-you-later’s were said, 5000 miles passed beneath me, hugs and welcome homes were given, and being utterly exhausted physically and emotionally I found myself in bed, eyes leaking saltiness, thinking that all I know now are just memories. The next few weeks were an up and down journey emotionally speaking. Even in that though, it’s an opportunity to grow.
Returning. Like I said earlier, I had no idea what I was coming back to. Actually, I knew I was coming back to no job, but I didn’t know what I was going to do about it. I remember in one of my freak out sessions, God telling me to be still, He had it all under control. He did. In the last two months I have been sick, having no money, and no real prospects of what I could be doing next in life. Was I coming back just to work to live, living in my parents house? But from that base God has brought up opportunity after opportunity. So much has happened. I was able to start working at the Higher Grounds Café again and begin getting ahead with finances. I have been blessed with the opportunities to be able to participate in a multiple outreaches around Minnesota. I have been able to help with different worship teams and youth groups since returning. Obviously, I have been able to write multiple articles for the paper, which has been a blessing in itself. I now have my time in Poland chronicled and have received a fair amount of good feedback. It’s been good.

I have returned. This word can leave one with the impression that it is the end of a story, but thankfully it’s not. One of the opportunities that has been presented to me the past couple months and that I’ve accepted, is moving to Detroit, MI in January. I know, I’ve heard the concern from many people at this decision; I have heard the news and the rumors of a dangerous city, but I am excited. Detroit is a broken city, but I will be able to go and help some friends do what we can to help mend the broken, and while we do so, plant a church. At times I am fearful and others I’m excited. This will be another great growing experience; one that will no doubt give me more tales to tell. Which is good, since this is my last article for now. Hopefully in a month or two, I will be returning to all of you again. God bless.