Testimonies are very important part to the Polish church. I
don’t believe there was even one service or Bible study/prayer meeting where
there wasn’t at least one testimony shared. I found myself giving my testimony
at Camp Eden in Ocwieka the first Sunday I was there. I arrived at the Sunday
morning church service just in time for worship to start. I had to sit with Jan Tomczyk, who was the
pastor and the man who spearheaded the camp, since he was also a great
translator. Jan is also very good at seizing opportunities and since no one
really knew me the opportunity to have me speak seemed great. He asked me to
share a testimony.
Two other people said their testimonies before me, but as they were in Polish and I was slightly stressing about what to share I missed much of what was being translated for the few English speakers in the room. As soon as I went to the front with Jan, though, I knew what I was supposed to talk about.
Two other people said their testimonies before me, but as they were in Polish and I was slightly stressing about what to share I missed much of what was being translated for the few English speakers in the room. As soon as I went to the front with Jan, though, I knew what I was supposed to talk about.
I told them a little of how I was raised in an awesome
Christian home with amazing parents. I spoke of my fairly pleasant childhood,
but how in seventh grade I became sick and was then diagnosed with
Fibromyalgia. I mentioned not only how it affected me, but also how I was
healed from it… a great time in my life. It didn’t end there, though. Because
of the weight gained from the sickness and the family moving away from the
cities and my shyness, I felt as though I didn’t belong. These emotions on top
of other stresses brought me to a time of depression and asceticism. A
combination of certain events my freshman year of high school opened the door
to self-mutilation and other acts of penance because I felt that I had to
correct myself for my failings. Maybe then people would like me, maybe then God
could truly be proud of me, and maybe then I would be worthy. It wouldn’t be
until November of my junior year that I was able to stop the physical acts of
penance and abuse I placed upon myself. The last night I cut I cried out to God
and asked Him why it was so wrong, why I had to stop. Following my questioning
came one of the clearest times of hearing God. He told me, “When you give
yourself scars, it is like saying that the scars I took for you weren’t
enough.” It was there I began my journey of trying to understand God’s grace
and mercy. It was there that I was truly able to accept God’s help… cause I
knew I didn’t deserve it, but I didn’t have to.
My testimony prompted those in the service to pray for their youth. If I, a pastor’s daughter, could buy the lie that I couldn’t tell anyone of my struggles or that I must hurt myself in order to feel perfected, than their children were not exempt from these lies as well. It was such an honor to hear the prayers (even if I couldn’t understand most of them) that were raised on behalf of the youth.
My testimony prompted those in the service to pray for their youth. If I, a pastor’s daughter, could buy the lie that I couldn’t tell anyone of my struggles or that I must hurt myself in order to feel perfected, than their children were not exempt from these lies as well. It was such an honor to hear the prayers (even if I couldn’t understand most of them) that were raised on behalf of the youth.
I shared that portion of my testimony a few more times
following that Sunday. I shared it with the Siech family, who were at a
different church in Bydgoszcz while I was in Ocwieka. I told it one afternoon
in Janikowo, while a group of us sat on a trampoline talking about how awesome
God is and what He’s done in our lives. And then again, in Szczecinek, during
our ministry time in the park I was able to speak of God’s amazing grace and
mercy.
It was in Szczecinek that I realized how important my
testimony was. You see, in Poland, about 98% of the population call themselves
Catholics, but not fully Catholic like we’re used to here in the States. It is
run with fear and immense control. Penance, indulgences, and other works are
thought the way to earn salvation.
While I wasn’t raised this way, I had gotten into my head that I had to earn salvation; I had to self-punish
myself in order to be a pleasing before God and myself. Because of this old
belief system, I had a connecting point with some of those who listened to my
testimony. I was able to share about God’s grace. How He paid for everything.
How He gave everything. How we can never, ever earn salvation, but how we don’t
have to because He paid the price.
I don’t know the direct outcome of that time in Szczecenik,
but I was able to look into some of the faces of those who listened. I remember
a couple of people who seemed to really hear all my translated words. It was
there I realized how much I loved these Polish people. It was there I realized
I could understand them. I knew what it was like to live in fear, condemnation,
and under the weight of perfectionism. I knew what it was like to feel
hopeless. It was there I realized I had something to give them, for I not only
knew hopelessness, but I also knew the resurrection of hope. I knew the power
of grace and depth of love God has for us. It was there I realized I wanted to
share this with everyone. It was there that all those feelings and emotions
became alive to me again, and it was there that I was able to rejoice in God
for His continued mercy, grace and love poured over me. It was there I saw the
strength and power of a testimony.
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